Confession

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we take the sacrament every week. It is a symbol of covenants we make at the age of 8 or whenever we are baptized into the church. We covenant to be obedient to the Heavenly Father's commandments, take his name upon us. It is my personal belief that we covenant to do as He would do and Be what He sent us to mortality to become....like Him. Every week we partake of the sacrament and evaluate our mortal progress. A huge part of the sacrament involves forgiveness. In a way its like confession to a priest--only we confess to God and ourselves.
I found myself in deep contemplation of this process last week and this week it was renewed. Confession. Evaluation. Repentance. Change. A new heart. A rebirth and finally, forgiveness.
Forgiveness. Change of heart. I have had many instances in my life where introspection and humility brought about a new perspective, a new heart. I gained a renewed sense of motivation to be my very best, to do my very best, to serve others, to be better, stand taller. I expect perfection. I expect it from myself, from others, from life. I get rigid and close minded about how I want things to go, who, when and even why. When they blow up in my face (which they always do, when I expect so fervently) I get jaded, bitter, angry even. Jaded that I had a beautiful plan and all would be right if it would just follow my design. Alas, thank God and humanity that my plans and designs are not the Master plan's and designs. For if this were the case everything would be done according to compulsion. Love, effort, choice, action, growth, testimony, life- all would be done by force, compulsion. How could such a plan ever be perfect-no one would learn anything? No one would actualize anything!

I must confess that I have not been patient with my life nor the people within it. I must confess that the pain and frustration they provide has become more important and defining than the love they show. I must confess that I got lost along the way. I have been angry and it has brought great sorrow.

Confession. Change of heart. I am ready for a change of heart, for a new perspective. I am ready to believe in humanity. There is much we do to hurt each other because of discrimination, fear, jealousy and greed. There is more than enough misery to go around, that I know for certain. There is likewise more than enough love. Love has become my change of heart. I am learning to see everyone though unconditional loving eyes. It makes the world more pleasant and easier to bear.

Forgiveness. I see the divinity in others. I feel their love and respect for me. I see their efforts to serve and help. Forgiving others is a great deal easier for me than to forgive myself. Forgive the nasty and reckless person I have been and give myself slack, patience, and opportunities to change.

I find myself in that phase. I am on a journey to forgive.